During the major changes in life, heightened emotions among people are inevitable. These stressful changes are usually connected with personal transitions between important stages that occur during our lives. It seems to me that all cultures have devised ways for individuals or the societies to deal with these emotions. And one of the ways includes the holding of a ceremony. Be it a wedding ceremony or a funeral, these ceremonies are held to observe a person’s entry to the next stage of life.
Chinese funerals are symbolic rites to reinforce the moral values of filial piety. This is also the last elaborate ceremony held for the decreased. The traditional Chinese believed that the soul of the decreased will make its way to the “Western Heaven” after death. Rituals are therefore conducted to assist ‘them’ in the journey. In the process, paper-made cars, TVs, bank notes and etc are also burned.
“So- and so would need the items in heaven.” Ask anyone and the reply will be the same.
Besides those mentioned above, there are several symbolic items and practices that we can observe during the ceremony as well. For instance, sweets and melon seeds are given to every mourner. Sweets are given so as to remove the bitterness brought about by the departure of the loved ones. As for melon seeds, they signify fertility- meant for the living ones to reproduce more to replace the ‘dead’. (These are just some of the stuffs I had researched on for my sociology assignment.)
I remembered attending a funeral with my friends. We were brought to the altar of the deceased to pay our respect the moment we stepped into the place. We were then handed 3 joss sticks each. However, my friend, being a Christian, politely declined the joss sticks offered and went on to bow 3 times without the joss-sticks. An uncle came to serve us food and approached my friend, asking, “Why didn’t you take the joss-sticks just now?” My friend replied plainly that he was a Christian and it was forbidden in their religion to hold joss sticks.
Their conversation made me realize that tolerance is important between cultures. We have the tendency to judge other cultures exclusively by our own standards of. What we fail to understand is that different cultures have different norms or ways of doing things. There is a need to understand the rationales behind these norms before we draw any conclusions. In this way, any misunderstandings can be avoided.
Likewise for communication, the most important aspect is to understand the message that the speaker is trying to bring across. We should approach with a polite tone if we are in doubt or if we do not agree with the speaker’s idea. I guess the last thing you would want is to let people think that you are forcing your idea on someone else. Imagine, what would have happened if the uncle had insisted on my friend taking the joss sticks?
5 comments:
Hi Zhenyun, I guess the most important thing in maintaining a good relationship is to learn how to "give and take". Hence, we have to learn and understand the different cultures as well as the different religions not only in Singapore, but other countries as well. Thus, I guess learning how to "give and take" certainly aids us in having effective communications as well.
I think your suggestion is good and applicable. Showing polite respect and interest should help to defuse any potential conflict.
Actually, I have attended a few funerals, but I still do not understand the symbolic meaning behind some of the actions. Why 3 joss sticks?
Apologies about my ignorance. I know little about quite a lot of things.
Hi Sharon,
the number of joss sticks used actually varies to 5.
The 3 joss sticks stand for Tian Di Ren (天地人), tian di for the two realms, and ren for all humanity as well as those who are deceased.
You may want to check out the net if you want to find out more. =)
Thanks, Zhenyun, for this excellent response to the assignment! You provide a clear cultural context for the scenario you present. It's interesting that your uncle would actually have asked that question. But it's admirable that he did so while serving food. That would seem to be a way of mellowing the question, right?
Hi Brad,
I think that uncle was just curious about it. Anyway, I like the way he approached my friend too, in a way that the situation was not made awkward.
By the way, I do have some Christian friends who are fine with holding joss sticks too. So perhaps, it is not much about the culture but the person instead.
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