When passion wasn't acknowledged

This incident happened 4 years ago when I was still a year 1 student in JC. I was an avid netball player then. During that year, I was selected for the National Under-17 squad and was given the opportunity to go to New Zealand for training.

I was elated when I was informed. This was definitely a chance for me to maximize my potential and expose myself to a higher level of play. Although I have to train almost everyday, I was confident that I can cope by sacrificing my leisure time. I knew my dad would be happy for me, for he is always the one supporting me in whatever I do. My mum was the stumbling block in my bid to go for this overseas trip. I needed to get her consent.

So one night, I plucked up the courage and broke the news to them. To my astonishment, I got a straight ‘no’ from my mum. I was expecting her to probe further before giving me an answer. Upset, I asked her for an explanation. And her reply to me was “No means no. No further discussion needed” I believe anyone would be angry or irritated upon hearing that sort of reply. Fuming with anger, I complained about how she was never open to discussion and how she has never been supportive of me. I had to admit that I raised my voice at her. After saying my piece, I stormed back to my room and broke into tears.

I didn’t talk to my mother for the next few days. In the end, my dad, the peacemaker in the family, came and explained to me that my mum was just being worried about me going overseas alone as I’ve never left their side before. Besides, my mum wanted me to focus more on my studies. Trying not to make things difficult for my dad, I nodded, but deep down, I still could not accept my mother’s reasons.

As the deadline drew nearer, I had no choice but to talk to her again. I headed to their room with tears, telling them how badly I wanted to go. After a few minutes of silence, my mum finally said, “Your dad will make the decision”. There was a smile on my dad’s face and I knew it was as good as a yes.

Quarrels are inevitable in a family and my experience is an example of how miscommunication eventually leads to disagreements and arguments. In my opinion, sometimes parents have the mentality that whatever they do or decide is in our best interests. As in my case, there was nothing wrong in my mother’s intentions. But she failed to realize that I do need a life apart from studies. Her refusal to communicate with me became the turning point that soured our relationship.

This conflict could very well be avoided if I were to communicate more with my mum. However, communication is a two-way process; one willing party is certainly not enough.

Back to the scenario, if you were me, how would you deal with the situation when you have a mother who is not so willing to communicate with you?

Starting off...

To a large extent, the purpose of developing effective communication is to prevent any misunderstandings. Since infancy, we have been communicating with others and this practice will go on well into adulthood. People just can’t do without communicating with each other for there are simply too many thoughts, ideas and feelings to be shared. It is only through communication that relationships between people are built, work within a company done, messages between people passed and the list goes on and on. Therefore, acquiring the right communication skills will be essential, be it at the interpersonal, inter/intra-group or organization level.

Eventually, most of us, once completed our education studies will enter the work force one day. Moving on to an unfamiliar and competitive environment, vastly different from school, will prove to be challenging. There will be more interactions between people as work orders are passed down. However, at the same time, communication becomes complicated by the complex and often conflicting relationships that exist at work. Therefore, by developing effective communication, one will be able to tactfully avoid any unnecessary conflicts or arguments that arise. Besides, one would rather spend more time in work impressing the bosses rather than being involved in some senseless office politics, isn’t it?

To end this off, in my opinion, I think being a skilful communicator would be really important in understanding conversations better. Picking up body languages (non-verbal communication skill) will further enhance this understanding. Being sensitive to the feelings of others and giving the appropriate replies at times might just save the day for you. =)